What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 23.06.2025 01:53
Im still living with it.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
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He resisted the act ,that day.
We all went to grammer schools
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
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I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
What transforms the philosophical intellect?
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Where can I sell naked pics of myself online?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I could never make a relationship work though!
Is it wise to SECRETLY expose a narcissist by telling others that he/she is a covert narcissist?
Ive learnt so much.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
My life is so biszare .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
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Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I write beautiful poetry .
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But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
And i lived it daily.
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Especially a lifetime of it.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
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Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I was very sick at this time too.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Who then, do I blame.?
I have no regrets .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
As i do to all so called friends.?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He knew the spot.
So whats the point in blame.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
She loved him until the end.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But ive been too sick for many years..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
What did i know ?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
My family never makes their pension either.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I never cut or harmed myself..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
All the time i was locked up.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I think the readers, may guess!
I waited trembling.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Would this be the day?
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I was scared of men, in general
Why did i forgive my father ?
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I was 9 years of age.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Was to survive, this bastard.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
This is soul school!.
I couldn’t, believe it.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I said to her
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
So, i spoilt her more .
It was going to be , some day.
I don,t even have a pension.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She wouldn,t have been !
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But it wasn’t much.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
One cannot live in the past .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But, we were locked up after school.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
We were not on the streets..
She found it foreign!.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I will be 64.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
She was in good health!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Comes on , in middle age.
When she asked me how she looked .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She married twice! .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Put me off passion for life!!
I was seconnd youngest,
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.